After eight long years, everyone's favorite magic elf show, that has derived its inspiration from the real-world War of the Roses era England, has finally reached its bitter(sweet) conclusion, and George R.R. Martin finally got to see how it all ends!
Its been a long road since we last saw Ned Stark with a strong head on his shoulders, and our favorite characters who somehow managed to survive up until this point are far from the same persons they were before this battle for power began.
For eight seasons viewers have followed Dany on her journey to "break the wheel" of society and claim her "rightful" seat on the Iron Throne (and totally not commit dozens of war crimes along the way).
The series finale, dubbed "The Iron Throne," begins where last week left off, with Dany celebrating her heroic victory at King's Landing, which one can imagine smelled like one big summer barbecue after Drogon laid waste to all those red-hatted Cersei supporters.
As the series has consistently shown, the common folk were extremely involved in the political sphere and extremely loyal to whoever said they were King/Queen at the time, so toasting their asses was really the only solution.
On their first campaign tour through the freshly razed city, our upwards-falling hero Jon Snow and smoothie soldier, Grey Worm, hash it out over spilling a little more blood in the name of their forgiving queen. Much to Jon's dismay, Grey Worm gets his way and slits a few more innocent Lannister throats (owned).
In one of the episodes more visually pleasing scenes, Dany dismounts from her sole-surviving dragon to address, in very Hitler-esque fashion, her loyal army of Unsullied cucks and Dothraki, championing them on their brave victory against *check notes* unarmed women and children. But King's Landing was just the beginning. Dany, who understands the health benefits of a busy mind, aims to continue spreading her influence and unite the entire known (and unknown) world underneath her unbridled banner.
Tyrion, who at this point has lost his bet with Varys, is having second thoughts on if his role as advisor was enough to steer Dany away from her family's bloody nature. And after resigning as Dany's hand and her discovery of his treason releasing Jamie from custody, Tyrion is once again put into politics jail.
Visiting the now-tallest Lannister in his cell, the lightbulb slowly begins lighting up above Jon's head as he realizes there's no innocence in being a moderate.
As his lover/queen/aunt readies her bottom to sit on that uncomfortable looking iron throne, our dumb, brooding hero interrupts to voice his minor concerns that, perhaps, she did a genocide.
Assuring him that everything was necessary, the two share a kiss while Beta Snow cries during their passionate embrace. Without notice, the Queen's eyes light up, realizing Jon slipped a knife comfortably next to her pancreas (Ouch!). The Mad Queen officially received a weaker death than her long-deceased brother (also Jon's father).
Sharing what one can only assume to be an Avatar-level connection, Drogon immediately ascends the tower to find his mother motionless. Her killer standing feet away. With a large inhale, Drogon readies himself to lay waste to the guilty.
Having craved death since this convoluted story began, Jon eagerly embraces becoming a char-broiled bastard. But Drogon, as it turns out, is actually quite the philosopher and directs his fiery breath towards the Iron Throne, a symbol of the proletariat oppression that has plagued Westeros for centuries (hats off to you, good sir).
Drogon grips dead-Dany is his claw before flying off into the distance, never to be seen again. No body, no crime. Jon is free as a bird.
Wait no, he told on himself and now Grey Worm wants to cut his balls off. Or head off. Not too sure. He does serve some hard time, with the one benefit of returning to that season 1 Jon Snow mane again.
Skipping ahead a few weeks, we see Grey Worm bring Tyrion (Jon is still on timeout) before all of Westeros' power players at the Dragon Pit, including rookie of the year Robin Arryn, who was last seen sucking on his mom's titties in season 4 (glow up).
With the council deciding on how to enact his punishment, Tyrion, who has done almost nothing right the past two seasons, suggests carrying out Dany's wish of "breaking the wheel," eliminating the system of monarchy that's been relatively successful up until this point.
With the group of elites completely dumbfounded by this foreign concept, Samwise Gamgee takes the opportunity to invent the idea of democracy before being immediately snubbed for suggesting power to the people. (We'll get 'em next election cycle, tiger)
After Tyrion's extremely brief, explain-it-like-I'm-five proposition, everyone is quickly onboard with reshaping their entire political system in an afternoon's time. (Take notes senators)
The question now is who will take up the throne? Well, Tyrion also thought that through.
"There’s nothing in the world more powerful than a good story," Tyrion said. "Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken? The boy who fell from a high tower and lived.”
Almost any character has shown more emotional depth in one episode than this empty-husk has show in the whole series. In fact, two are sitting right next to him. But everyone seems pretty onboard with the guy who can see the both past and future but can't explain it because "If I tell you, it won't happen."
Bran, emotionless as ever, stares in the distance as they celebrate their new king. The real win, however, was Tyrion dissing Bran on his lack of functioning legs.
Sansa, the North's new queen, plays the most intelligence move of the group by establishing that her kingdom will be ruled separately, leading the others to ponder if independence was an option all along. Too late now.
To tie up every loose end as quickly as possible, we see Jon sentenced to life serving the Night's Watch, which is still a thing; Arya Christopher Columbus-ing her way to the New World; and Bran's first day as king, featuring a nifty history book, forcefully titled "A song of Ice and Fire." Hey wait a sec, that's the name of the source material
Reminiscent of the first season, after a silent reunion with Tormund and the Wildlings, Jon Snow ventures beyond the wall to live a free life among the harsh wilderness. And, possibly the only high point of this episode, we see a battered Ghost finally receive the pets her deserved.
Congrats, you nerds, on never getting these eight years of your life back! Hope that change.org petition pans out for you.
To creators D.B. Weiss and David Benioff, I tip my hat to you good sirs.
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